The Billionaire at Dairy Queen: Why “Average” Numbers Are Often Meaningless in Court

By: John Guidry

Everybody who leaves their hometown leaves a few favorite restaurants behind. I left St. Louis almost three decades ago, but I still miss Imo’s Pizza and Ted Drewes Frozen Custard. Every time I visit, I hit both (probably followed by White Castle later that night).

Unfortunately, Florida doesn’t have a Ted Drewes. The good news is, I found a substitute: Dairy Queen Blizzards. Full disclosure: I am not compensated by DQ. (If I were fishing for freebies, I’d be ranting about my love for Porsches and all-inclusive resorts).

But my love for soft serve brings up an interesting legal question about “Value.”

Is the State using random website prices to charge you with a felony?

Don’t let them guess the number. Call John today at (407) 423-1117.

The Warren Buffett Math Problem

What is the average net worth of the folks eating at a Dairy Queen? If you look at the parking lot, you can’t tell much. But let’s look at a specific Dairy Queen in Omaha, Nebraska, on June 11, 2018.

• Customer 1: A guy sitting in a booth.
• Customer 2: Mark Cuban (Net Worth: $3.7 Billion).

If the store seats 40 people, and we assume everyone else has $0, the average net worth of a customer that day is $92.5 Million. Pretty impressive, right? But wait. Mark Cuban was having lunch with Warren Buffett.

• Buffett’s Net Worth: $82 Billion.

When you add Buffett to the equation, the “average” net worth of a customer in that DQ jumps to $2.1 Billion per person. The Point: Averages are often meaningless. The “average” customer there wasn’t a billionaire. The data is skewed.

Proving “Value” in Court (The Hearsay Trap)

So, how does our court system sort out meaningful numbers from meaningless ones? We have rules. Specifically, the Hearsay Rule.

In Grand Theft cases, the State must prove the stolen items are “worth” more than the felony threshold (formerly $300, now higher). But how do you know what a used speaker is worth?

The Case: D.J.S. v. State In D.J.S. v. State (2018), a defendant was convicted of Grand Theft for stealing liquor, a speaker, and a watch.

• The Evidence: The homeowner testified that he “went online to eBay or something” to look up the prices.
• The Objection: The defense attorney argued this was Hearsay. The homeowner didn’t know the value; he was just repeating what a website told him.

The Ruling: The Appeals Court agreed and threw out the felony conviction.

“The homeowner cannot testify as to what anyone told him. Or, what eBay told him… You can only testify about what you know.”

Because the State relied on an internet search rather than an expert or personal knowledge, they failed to prove the value was over the limit. The felony became a misdemeanor.

The “Impossible” Burden

Courts know this is hard for victims. In Phillips v. State, the court admitted:

“It was practically impossible for the victim to establish the restitution amount without relying on hearsay evidence… she relied on her memory of the items’ appearance and her ability to find similar items on the internet.”

But guess what? The law doesn’t care if it’s hard. If the State can’t prove the value with competent evidence (not just a Google search), they cannot convict you of a felony.

John’s 2026 Update: The New $750 Threshold

Note: In 2018, the magic number was $300. In 2026, the stakes are higher, but the logic is the same.

1. The New Felony Line ($750) Florida law has raised the Grand Theft threshold to $750.

• Why this matters: Prosecutors are desperate to hit that $750 mark. If you steal a used iPhone 14, they will claim it’s worth $800 (Felony). We will argue it’s worth $600 (Misdemeanor).
• The “Dwelling” Exception: Be careful—if you steal items from a Dwelling (someone’s home), the threshold drops to just $40.

2. The Amazon/StockX Hearsay Defense In 2026, victims don’t just use eBay; they use StockX or Amazon Screenshots.

• Our Defense: Just like in D.J.S., a screenshot of an “Asking Price” is not proof of “Fair Market Value.”
  • Anyone can ask for $1,000 for a pair of sneakers on StockX. That doesn’t mean they sold for that.
  • We object to these screenshots as hearsay unless the State brings in an expert appraiser.

3. “Replacement Cost” vs. “Fair Market Value” Victims often testify: “I paid $1,000 for that laptop three years ago.”

• The Rule: The value is what the item was worth at the time of the theft, not when it was new.
• Depreciation: We use depreciation tables to show that the $1,000 laptop is now worth $250. This simple math can instantly drop a 5-year felony charge down to a simple misdemeanor.

Don’t Let Them Inflate the Price

If the State is trying to turn a petty theft into a felony by using “Amazon math,” we need to object. The numbers matter.

Call me at (407) 423-1117. Let’s do the real math.

About John Guidry II

John Guidry II is a seasoned criminal defense attorney and founder of the Law Firm of John P. Guidry II, P.A., located in downtown Orlando next to the Orange County Courthouse, where he has practiced for over 30 years. With more than three decades of experience defending clients throughout Central Florida since 1993, Guidry has successfully defended thousands of cases in Orange, Seminole, Osceola, Brevard, Lake, and Volusia counties. He has built a reputation for his strategic approach to criminal defense, focusing on pretrial motions and case dismissals rather than jury trials.

Guidry earned both his Juris Doctorate and Master of Business Administration from St. Louis University in 1993. He is a member of the Florida Bar and the Florida Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. His practice encompasses the full spectrum of Florida state criminal charges, with a particular emphasis on achieving favorable outcomes through thorough pretrial preparation and motion practice.

Beyond the courtroom, Guidry is a prolific legal educator who has authored over 400 articles on criminal defense topics. He shares his legal expertise through his popular YouTube channel, Instagram, and TikTok accounts, where he has built a substantial following of people eager to learn about the law. His educational content breaks down complex legal concepts into accessible information for the general public.

When not practicing law, Guidry enjoys tennis and pickleball, and loves to travel. Drawing from his background as a former recording studio owner and music video producer in the Orlando area, he brings a creative perspective to his legal practice and continues to apply his passion for video production to his educational content.