“Ben Stiller Science”: Why the Lab Can’t Just Mix Your Baggies Together

By: John Guidry

We need experts to tell us how to do anything more complicated than finger counting. Some of this expert testimony is simple and necessary. But unfortunately, when you ask some FDLE chemists to explain the science, they give a look reminiscent of a dumbfounded Ben Stiller in Zoolander. “The files are in the computer?”

A classic comedy, for sure, but not something that should be remotely similar to expert scientific testimony. Today’s “simple” scientific task involves testing a controlled substance before weighing it. Weight is important. The weight of a substance can mean the difference between probation and a 15-year prison sentence.

Did the lab mix all your separate baggies into one big pile before testing it?

That is bad science. Call John today at (407) 423-1117.

The Case: Greenwade v. State (The 3-Card Monte)

In Greenwade v. State, 124 So. 3d 215 (Fla. 2013), the defendant was convicted of Trafficking in Cocaine after nine one-ounce baggies of white powder were found in his home.

• The Police Tactic: They field-tested the baggies, then poured all nine into one big envelope.
• The Lab Tactic: By the time it got to the FDLE chemist, there was just one big baggie weighing 234.5 grams.

For those unfamiliar with trafficking:

• 28 grams = Mandatory Minimum Prison.
• 200-400 grams = 7-Year Mandatory Minimum. By mixing them, the State ensured Greenwade hit the higher bracket.

The Problem: What if only one baggie was real cocaine, and the other eight were baking soda (counterfeit)? By mixing them before testing, the State destroyed the evidence. They turned a small possession case into a massive trafficking case by contaminating the “fake” stuff with the “real” stuff.

The Ruling: Stop Mixing the Evidence

The Florida Supreme Court reversed the trafficking conviction. They ruled that this “commingling” process creates an unjustifiably high risk that non-controlled substances will be mixed with controlled ones.

“Once multiple packets of individually wrapped powder are commingled before they are chemically tested, the simple process of commingling irreversibly destroys… the ability to discern whether the pre-commingled substance was controlled or counterfeit.”

The New Rule: When the substance poses a danger of misidentification (like white powder, which could be anything), the State must chemically test each baggie separately before mixing them to determine weight.

John’s 2026 Update: Fentanyl & Laser Beams

Note: In 2013, we worried about cocaine. In 2026, the white powder is likely Fentanyl, and the stakes are life or death.

1. The Fentanyl “Mixture” Trap In Florida, you only need 4 grams of Fentanyl to trigger a Trafficking charge.

• The Danger: Dealers often mix Fentanyl with massive amounts of “cut” (sugars, caffeine).
• The Greenwade Defense: If you have 10 baggies, and the police mix them all together, they might be mixing 0.5 grams of Fentanyl with 50 grams of Tylenol. Under Florida’s “Mixture Law,” the whole pile becomes “Trafficking Weight” once mixed.
• We demand individual testing. If 9 bags are just Tylenol, they cannot be counted toward the trafficking weight unless the State proves they contained Fentanyl before they were mixed.

2. The “TruNarc” Laser Scam In 2026, police love using handheld laser devices (like TruNarc) to “scan” baggies through the plastic.

• The Problem: They scan one bag, get a “beep” for drugs, and assume all 20 bags are the same. Then they dump them all into one evidence bag.
• Our Argument: A laser scan is a presumptive test, not a chemical confirmation. Under Greenwade, you cannot commingle based on a laser beep. You still need the lab to confirm the chemical composition of each unit before aggregating the weight.

3. Lab Backlogs & “Spot Testing” Because the labs are backed up for months, prosecutors try to cut corners. They will test 3 bags out of 50 and say, “It’s statistically probable they are all drugs.”

• We object. In a trafficking case with mandatory prison time, “statistically probable” is not “Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.”

Demand the Science

If the State wants to lock you up for 15 years based on the weight of a powder, they better weigh it right. Don’t let them use “Ben Stiller Science” to convict you.

Call me at (407) 423-1117. Let’s send it back to the lab.

About John Guidry II

John Guidry II is a seasoned criminal defense attorney and founder of the Law Firm of John P. Guidry II, P.A., located in downtown Orlando next to the Orange County Courthouse, where he has practiced for over 30 years. With more than three decades of experience defending clients throughout Central Florida since 1993, Guidry has successfully defended thousands of cases in Orange, Seminole, Osceola, Brevard, Lake, and Volusia counties. He has built a reputation for his strategic approach to criminal defense, focusing on pretrial motions and case dismissals rather than jury trials.

Guidry earned both his Juris Doctorate and Master of Business Administration from St. Louis University in 1993. He is a member of the Florida Bar and the Florida Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. His practice encompasses the full spectrum of Florida state criminal charges, with a particular emphasis on achieving favorable outcomes through thorough pretrial preparation and motion practice.

Beyond the courtroom, Guidry is a prolific legal educator who has authored over 400 articles on criminal defense topics. He shares his legal expertise through his popular YouTube channel, Instagram, and TikTok accounts, where he has built a substantial following of people eager to learn about the law. His educational content breaks down complex legal concepts into accessible information for the general public.

When not practicing law, Guidry enjoys tennis and pickleball, and loves to travel. Drawing from his background as a former recording studio owner and music video producer in the Orlando area, he brings a creative perspective to his legal practice and continues to apply his passion for video production to his educational content.